Have you heard of the War of the Golden Stool? Or the Russo-Japanese War of 1904? Maybe Tecumseh’s War? They all have one thing in common:

Coffee played an important role in starting all of them.

The 20th century had barely begun when serious conflicts once again arose between the British Imperial government of the Gold Coast and the Ashanti Kingdom. The latter was a semi-autonomous African state that co-existed with the British; but it was never an easy co-existance. The British constantly tried to assert their authority over the Ashanti after the demise of the slave trade, and twice the Ashanti had risen against the white invaders. In 1900 Sir Frederick Hodgson tried once more to impress the Ashanti: he demanded their submission, and that he would be seated on the Ashanti’s Golden Stool – the stool that, as he understood it, acted as a throne to the Ashanti people. The Ashanti couldn’t resist the white men, and he eventually got his wish; however, as he sat down he decided to drive his point home even further: he smiled, relaxed, and had a cup of hot coffee while he sat on his golden stool. Little did he know that the Golden Stool wasn’t just a throne – whoever sat on it also symbolised the direct embodiment of the Ashanti gods. And the white man sitting there drinking the black liquid was too much for the proud Ashanti: to them it symbolised not only the rise of white gods, but also white gods who would devour the black peoples. Thus began the Third Ashanti Uprising, or the War of the Golden Stool in 1900.

The Russo-Japanese War was a completely different business: in the early 1900s both Russia and Japan had massively imperialistic ambitions, and due to their close proximity they – of course – became bitter rivals. Both countries competed for influence, trade and territory in East Asia, and Japan desperately wanted to convert itself to a modern power. After the Sino-Japanese War (1894-1895) Japan defeated China; this led to the Treaty of Shimonoseki in 1895 in which China yielded many territories to Japan. One of these territories were the Liaodong Peninsula. Three Western countries, Russia, the German Empire and France, tried to apply pressure on Japan to relinquish its claim on the Liaodong Peninsula, because on this peninsula could be found Port Arthur. Russia especially desired this port, since it was the only warm-water port available in that area, and the only viable place in which they could import luxury items from the Pacific. Luxury items? Like what? Yes, you guessed it: coffee. Thus, another war was started in coffee’s name.

In 1811, North America was full of strife. The great War of 1812 stood just around the corner, but before it another war broke out: Tecumseh’s War, or Tecumseh’s Rebellion. Tecumseh was a Shawnee cheif who led an American Indian confederacy against the United States in the Old Northwest. The two principal adversaries in the war, Tecumseh and William Henry Harrison, had both been participants in the Battle of Fallen Timbers at the close of the Northwest Indian War in 1794. That war ended with the Treaty of Greenville, in which much of present-day Ohio was ceded to the United States; however, Tecumseh never signed the treaty – he continued to fight the United States and William Henry Harrison through the years, and ignited the American Indians to a great rebellion in 1811. Why did he do that? The story has it that the two leaders sat down in 1794 to discuss the terms of surrender, in order to come up with a solution that would be acceptable to both parties. Things were proceeding fine until a fateful moment. William Henry Harrison had brewed a pot of strong coffee and, in a friendly gesture, offered a cup to Tecumseh. The latter gladly accepted, tasted the brew, and then exclaimed: “By the ancestors, this is the most vile and putrid liquid I have ever tasted! I thought you wished to come to a compromise – yet you offend me with this awful beverage,” whereupon he stormed out of the pavillion. And he never forgave Harrison until the day he died.

In short, what I’m trying to say is that coffee has caused so much pain and suffering in this world; if we had any sense we would make the disgusting habit of coffee-drinking illegal, punishable by public flogging. It doesn’t matter that you try to disguise the black brew with nuts and milk and cream and whatnot – it’s still an awful thing to put in your mouth. Much better to rely on the magnificent flavour of tea. If you’re ever in Linköping I recommend that you try the cactus tea from the central tea boutique. It has just the right amount of sweetness without tasting like perfume (like most fruit teas do).

Oh, and did I mention that cool people play Sheeplings?

This entry was posted on Friday, April 20th, 2007 at 4:13 pm and is filed under Observations. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.