When I was younger I had a hard time finding an appropriate level for my projects and ambitions; with youthful enthusiasm and self-conceit I wanted to create big and wonderful things. In one way this is a good thing: if you reach for the stars you won’t let your talents – to what extent you may have them – go to waste by setting the aim too low. On the other hand, this also means that you rarely will accomplish your goal; you will have a resume of unfinished half-baked projects. A finished piece is always more impressive than a brilliant concept.

If you’re not familiar with gamedev.net, take a look at the Help Wanted forum for many examples of youthful enthusiasm. I find it tragic that there’s a need for a sticky Teams That Can thread, to show the teams that actually produce a finished game. While I still have a decent amount of hubris and self-conceit, I think that I’m beginning to aim suitably low/high with my hobby projects these days. Of course, this mostly applies to art and programming. Writing is still unknown territory for me; I never know if I can produce high enough quality, or how long it will take me. Music is another area like that. At times I receive the urge to fire up Sibelius (a gorgeous MIDI-based program where you work with music sheets instead of a sequencer layout; too bad that their website sucks worse than a Thai hooker) and attempt to produce a pseudo-baroque ensemble piece. Let’s just say that my harmonies and melodies are decent, but the overall composition is generally atrocious.

Yesterday I speed-watched some episodes of Swedish Idol. (This means that I fast forwarded through all the talking, and listened to each performance for a few seconds before I listened to what the jury had to say.) This was pretty educational, and one thing in particular struck me as interesting: a timid girl sang Forever Young; her tone was weak, but it was clear and perfect company to the piano’s soft notes. The jury commented that she had made an excellent choice: by choosing a slow and sombre song, her weak voice dominated the song instead of being drowned as it might have been otherwise.

This made me consider some of the songs I’ve recorded and the importance of not only aiming suitably high, but also trying to find the best job for your tools. I’ve always had a fascination for metal and punk, and I think I’ve always preferred to record relatively hard music. Combined with the fact that I have a high and pretty weak voice, this is not optimal.

After listening to a few old songs of mine, I’ve come to realize that the best utilization of my voice is probably in two songs: a pretty emotional goth-pop-rock song called Tainted, and a humorous song called Heartbeat. The latter is just a simple recording, but the concept with a guitar and a lone singer works akin to the girl in Idol.

Download Tainted (4 MB)
http://www.cynicalstuff.com/files/Karja_-_Tainted.mp3

Download Heartbeat (4,5 MB)
http://www.cynicalstuff.com/files/Karja_-_Heartbeat.mp3

Note that I’m not saying that the songs are good; just that my voice fits better with these kinds of songs. I think I’ll attempt another goth-inspired song and see if it works better for me than my metal/punk songs.

Lyrics, for the ones interested:

Tainted (Miro Karjalainen 2000)

A silence echoes through the dark
Where twisted shadows leave their marks
I stand alone, I have no sight
My tears fall silent in the night

One time I thought I saw a man
I saw his footsteps in the sand
He shimmered and vanished from my sight
My tears fell silent in the night

The loneliness grows everyday
No-one is here to lead the way
I cannot see, my eyes are blind
Tainted souls are left behind

An endless mourning, silent dance
Where no-one gets another chance
The day it dawns without a light
Eternal tears – eternal night

The loneliness grows everyday
No-one is here to lead the way
I cannot see, my eyes are blind
Tainted souls are left behind

The loneliness grows everyday
No-one is here to lead the way
I cannot see, my eyes are blind
Tainted souls are left behind
They say that sinners go to hell
If this is true I cannot tell
Eternal torment would be kind
But tainted souls are left behind

Heartbeat (Miro Karjalainen/Pätr 1999)

I don’t wanna feel your heart beat
I don’t wanna feel your pain
I don’t wanna be right next to you
After what you did to me

I was getting home for supper
You were lying in our bed
You were sleeping with another
Now I wanna see you dead

Oh, my darling, why did you have to lie
Oh, my darling, I can’t stop cry
Oh, my darling, why did you have to lie
Now you’re gonna have to die

I wanna cut you up in pieces
I wanna smear you on the wall
I wanna do all those things to you
We couldn’t do when we were small

Oh, darling, have you noticed
That axe behind my back
I wanna introduce you
To my black plastic sack

Oh, my darling, why did you have to lie
Oh, my darling, I can’t stop cry
Oh, my darling, why did you have to lie
Now you’re gonna have to die

This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 10th, 2006 at 12:33 pm and is filed under Music, Observations. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.