Lo and behold, the new Cynical Stuff design is in place! It may not be the most artistic design ever, but I think it will serve its purpose. The purpose is of course to have a common design for all KarjaSoft pages: KarjaSoft.com, Sheeplings.com, Wildhollow.com…and later also SpandexForce.com. I’ve waited with Spandex Force since that’s the most demanding of the game pages. Demanding because there’s a lot of content there, and I’m going for a “less is more” approach with this new design.

It was surprisingly simple to convert the KarjaSoft design into a WordPress plugin. I feared that it would involve days of strange PHP coding – instead it only involved hours of strange PHP coding. I’d like to mutter some choice words about WordPress, but truth be told the more I work with it the more I like it. The themes are structured pretty logically and the default fallback works great. (I.e. if you haven’t written a special PHP file for, say, viewing a single blog entry then it makes some magical assumptions and displays the content as best as it can anyway.)

You can see the result right now: it’s a lighter, happier blog than the old black Cynical Stuff. Granted, something darker would be more appropriate for the title but it’s my bloody blog so you just shut the hell up if you’re not happy! If I want to have a shiny happy blog I’m damn well going to have it! And either way I actually prefer contrasts. Like the suicide bunnies:

Suicide bunnies rule! Or at least they will when the revolution comes.

By the way, I’ve removed the ugly “Cynical Stuff” handwriting from the logo! An era is at an end. Only yesterday I was convinced I were going to let it remain – but today I realized that it simply won’t fit in with the new design. Oh well.

Welcome to Cynical Stuff v3!

Don’t you hate it when you have a big change planned, and you reason that it’s not worth taking care of the little things before that ginormous change has taken place? That’s what happened to Cynical Stuff. A few months ago I decided to get a new design for the KarjaSoft homepage; a generic design that would serve as a template for all my games – and for this blog as well. It would be elegant and funny and pretty and functional. And it wasn’t worth taking the time to write blog posts before I had the new design in place.

I can see you all nodding and smirking in recognition right now.

I tried to make a feeble design myself, but it sucked. Then I decided to try something new: actually find a web designer to make a brilliant design for me. I won’t go into details, but let’s just say that I spent a load of cash on something that didn’t fulfil my vision.

To make a long story incredibly short, I ended up making a design of my own after all. I can only hope that II have learned a few lessons about how not to suck completely. You can check out the KarjaSoft homepage and the Sheeplings homepage to see it in action – and unless I regret my decision I’ll be switching the Spandex Force and Cynical Stuff designs as well soonish.

I know, I know, there are prettier web pages out there. But I think it’s better than what I had previously, and then it’s a step in the right direction!

Oh… And did you know that I’ve released v0.2 of Wildhollow? Play it and let me know what you think!

In all of Linköping there is just one tea store that sells cactus tea. There used to be at least three stores where I could get nicely flavoured cactus tea, but there’s just one decent place left. And I’m talking about the tea shop downtown; I know that there’s a store in Tornby that sells something they call cactus tea, but that’s just perfumed rubbish.

After I stocked up on the good kind the other day I browsed the teapots in the store, and found something really curious:

This picture doesn’t really convey the full extent of the pot’s strangeness. I really don’t see the point of this design – it looks like the shunned lovechild of a hash pipe and a teapot. In fact, I have a nagging suspicion that it would be possible to use this to smoke various things if one did some minor modifications. I’m sure there are more knowledgeable people than me who have tried it already.

I saw another funny thing yesterday when I went to the bathroom at work:

My useless cell cam couldn’t take a sharp enough picture, and it’s in Swedish anyway, so I’ll provide a loose translation:

Toilet Quiz

Q: How many engineers does it take to change an empty toilet paper roll?
A: Apparently many since it never happens here.

Q: What IQ is required to know the difference between a urinal and a toilet?
A: (Can’t remember exactly; something to the effect of “must be pretty high ’cause you people pee on the seat”.)

Tie breaker: What’s the brush in the corner used for?

Yes yes, typical dull humour that nagging bitches find amusing. (Okay, I did smile a little as well.) The really funny part is that someone wrote a reply to the last question:

When there’s no toilet paper left.

Ka-ching!

In the beginning of the summer I posted an ad where I asked for web designers interested in having a go at integrating all the KarjaSoft pages into one logical unit. Essentially, what I want is a unified presence in order to explore synergies between my different projects – e.g. Cynical Stuff, the KarjaSoft company webpage and the different game pages. Yes, you may now slap me in the face for using both “unified presence” and “explore synergies” in the same sentence. Either way, I got a couple (as in two) responses…that somehow missed the mark a little.

What I desperately need is a designer. Not a programmer (I can code PHP myself, goddammit!) or an artist (what good is a pretty logo if it’s just sitting there like a bloated toad?) – a web designer! But somehow the word design gets lost when one mentions web design. Web design almost inevitably gets interpreted as either “make a logo” or “do a customized content management system.” Design is of course present in both making a logo and writing code, but my needs were for a person more keen on usability and design in the classical sense.

To make a short story long: In the end I sighed and shook my blonde curls in dismay, and decided to have a go at it myself instead. Hey, at least it’s a learning experience, right? Here’s what I ended up with as my first concept:

This is supposed to be the Games page; a list of all KarjaSoft games with easily accessible links to each game. Clicking a game logo leads you to the specific game’s page. The color scheme and the logo is modified for each game, but the main design is kept in order to give a sense of unity. Also, the navigation buttons in the top right are present on all pages. As you can see I’ve used common terms instead of titles. If someone sees a button with Cynical Stuff it is probably hard to guess that it leads to this blog, but by typing out Blog everyone will instantly know where it leads.

And yes. If I adopt this design, it will mean that Cynical Stuff will be redesigned according to this as well. As long as I can make a decent WordPress template out of it, that is.

Any thoughts? Does it look like cat vomit? Does it look okay?

For many years I’ve been in no rush to make something of myself: I’ve dabbled in writing some Windows applications, small game experiments, and lately casual games. I’ve also started writing a fantasy novel, written and performed humorous songs at university parties, written punk songs, metal songs, pseudo-baroque songs, and tried to learn how to draw better. But this year I’m turning 30. I still have long hair and dress all in black; I really should grow up and start doing some worthwhile things.

My professional life is going well: I like working with embedded software development and my current Field Applications Engineer role could be a much-needed spark of inspiration for me. But that’s not enough – I need to have more entrepreneuring projects for my spare time! I have a nagging suspicion that I’m far from the only one in a position like this, so for all our sakes I’ll make a short list of my current thoughts. With some luck they might give you inspiration to start something new:

1. Continue with casual games development. Well, this is pretty much a given. I love making games and I have loads of ideas: Spandex Force 2 with multiplayer support, a puzzle game based on Norse mythology, a free Flash verison of my old Word Mahjongg game, an abstract strategy game based on the dawn of civilization, an archaeology adventure/puzzle game, humorous adventure games based on old public domain stories – and so on. I’ll definitely keep this up. Especially since Spandex Force has given me funding for both Wildhollow and much of Spandex Force 2.
2. Import and sell items. I love weird cool stuff, and I’d love to find something obscure that I can sell in Sweden. I like the idea of a DIY thing with a small stock in my apartment and online distribution. Still haven’t found the Perfect Cool Thing(TM), though - a big part of the problem is that I don’t have a lot of capital to invest in a project like this.
3. Attempt to make one of these cool Web 2.0 places. (Well, it ought to be 3.0 by now.) Maybe “World Party” – a community-like site where you can have both world and city maps, and add locations where there’s good nightlife. “Go here, the beer is cheap!” Others can comment on your suggestions, and you can either use it as a personal “I’ve been here and done that” thing, or search for good places when you’re travelling. Whatever, there are probably places like this already. The idea itself is just a minor thing IMO - the concept is what’s interesting from a technical/design point of view.
4. Use my irreverent sense of humour to make posters/plaques/t-shirts with interesting prints. This would be pretty cool since it would involve taking studio photos of people posing with the products in question. See how much your pretty face is worth now! I’m the one hiring your services, and you’re dependent on me! Was it worth it, being one of the Beautiful People(TM)? We hatesss you… Seriously, this option would be risky since everyone and his dog can make prints these days, and everyone thinks he’s a bloody comedian. Just like me.
5. Investigate the market and try to find a simple product that’s missing. Browse, look around, do a heap of research, and finally decide on something that I can get an investor interested in. I.e., do something on a bigger scale than any of the other projects.
6. Finish my book. I think I could put together a decent fantasy novel, and I love writing…in theory. Okay, this is no entrepreneurial enterprise, but it would still be interesting.

What I’m going to do now is print this page, hang it on the wall, throw darts to select three of the six items…and ignore all of this for now, and have a cup of tea and a slice of pan pizza instead. I need to re-design my websites and finish Wildhollow before any of this, either way.

Recently I complained about ridiculous spam I’ve received, but I just have to make a quick addition to that list. This is a title that just popped up in my inbox:

“Tired of being second best in bed?”

I’m trying my best not to laugh out loud at work; I’m not sure if the spammer really intended the humour, but I sure hope he did. I mean, come on. This is funny on so many levels, and it’s the perfect serve for a snappy response:

I’m never second best – I always come first!

Almost makes me want to click that darn link to see what he’s trying to sell.

And I know that it’s April 1 - I just can’t be arsed to make some inane attempt at a joke here. I’m going for the Grumpy Gamer approach: 100% April Fool’s Day joke free!

E-mail is incredibly useful, and since I’m not terribly plagued by spam I’m fairly happy with that means of communication. But every now and then a few spam mails get through, and my cat-like curiosity makes it inevitable that I have to take a look at what they’re trying to sell this time.

…And I’m constantly surprised by how ridiculously formulated spam can be. Let’s have a looksee at what’s in my Trash folder:

First of all we have the enlarge your penis spam. Sure enough, they’ve found something that’s bound to cause a subconscious nervousness in all but the most well-endowed males, so it’s bound to catch one’s eye at least the first time one sees it. Good going, spam! Too bad that it’s always written with appalling grammar, so there’s no chance of receiving a treatment other than a quick press of the Delete button. If I were ever even considering trying some procedure like that (not that I need it! honestly! really!) I wouldn’t let anyone who can’t spell or apply proper punctuation near my precious parts.

Then there’s the cheap software spam. I don’t get the point of this. Sure, in Asian countries (and other places) it might be common to buy pirated software but in the West (or rather cold North) most people I know either buy the full price version, or download it for free. I never see people choose the middle option – it’s the worst of both worlds. “Hmm… Let’s see… I can get an official version of this DVD for $25. Or a pirated one for free. Oooh, but look here! A pirated version for $5; I’ll take this one!” Personally I go for another option: “$25 for a DVD? Screw that (unless it’s 300)! But if I see it for $10 I’m taking it, ’cause I really want the extra material.”

The we have all the spam for celebrity porn. Okay, I may be going out on thin ice here, but I personally see no reason why I’d want to watch celebrities do naughty things in the first place. They’re not trained professionals, so the sex will be boring to watch anyway! Delete!

There’s countless more examples of bad spam that seems badly put together, and not really thought out. But the prime example must be something that’s started to pop up the last year or so:

“Hello! I’m tired tonight. I am a nice girl that would like to chat with you…”

What the… If I were looking for a nice girl to talk to, why would I ever want to talk to a tired girl?! Sheesh. I don’t know what these people are thinking. Are they trying to make some strange connection between tired and bed and sex? Have these people ever seen a tired girl? Sex would be a pretty low prio thing in most women’s minds if they’re tired. (With exceptions of course. I’m trying to write something mildly amusing here; not make general comments about how women work or don’t work. So if you were thinking of writing “oh-oh-oh, you’ve been with the wrong kinds of women then,” just don’t.)

This “I’m tired” business must be a cultural thing. Somewhere in the world it has to appear appealing to people, but it just raises one question in my mind: if she’s so tired, what’s she doing by the computer spamming e-mails instead of going to bed?

Mathematics is not one of my strengths; if I put my mind to it I can get by,  but I lack the discipline to become skilled at it. I’ve read some calculus and algebra and combinatorics and statistics and whatnot, but in general I’ve just taken some courses only to forget everything I’ve learned shortly afterwards. The only maths I use regularly, except for simple arithmetic, is trigonometry. (It’s quite useful for 2D games.)

Logic is a completely different matter though. My job as a software developer at a Large Multi-National Corporation(TM) demands that I keep many of my skills sharp: the ability to juggle many ideas and projects, the ability to deal professionally and courteously with customers, and the ability to drink copious amounts of tea. Oh, and let’s not forget the ability to actually write code. Many non-programmers seem to think that maths is necessary for programmers, but in reality it’s logic that’s in high demand.

Speaking of skills at work, another thing that I tend to do there is solve sudokus. I find great comfort in spending my lunch breaks listening to the ongoing conversations while I solve a sudoku and – if something interesting pops up – add something to the discussion. Solving a sudoku is relaxing; you know that it’s solvable as long as you apply some logic, so you can take your mind off the possibly-unsolvable problems facing you in real life. At one time I did many sudokus per day, but now I limit myself to at most one for the sheer pleasure of it. A friend of mine mentioned that sudokus can be used to measure stress as well: if you find yourself taking too long on a standard sudoku, it might be an indication that you’re too stressed to think straight at the moment. True enough, but I find that if I’m too excited about something it also makes it hard to concentrate on the problem at hand. But then again, I suppose that that could be classed as stress as well, albeit of the positive kind.

Incidentally, speaking of sudokus, did you know that Benjamin Franklin used to amuse himself with mathematical puzzles similar in principle to sudokus when he was not busying himself with inventing just about everything you could imagine? Read the article and be amazed at the 16-by-16 magic square with bent rows that Franklin devised. You know about the magic square, where each line has to add up to 15? This is a magic square where each line has to add up to 2056. And all the coloured areas also have to add up to 2056. I’m just shaking my head at the complexity of the puzzle.

Read the article above to see more puzzles.

At one time I was pondering if I could devise a meta-puzzle game, where each puzzle mechanism would be unique, and one part of the problem would actually be to figure out the rules themselves. I started examining the sudoku to get inspiration, and quickly decided that it’s above my current skill to actually bring that idea to life. The idea is seductively simple: create a formal definition of the sudoku, and then expand that definition to encompass other mathematical puzzles. After you have created a suitable grammar of mathematics puzzles, you simply create a generator for new exciting puzzles. But in reality, this is much too complex for a layman in mathematics.

However, after having read about Franklin’s exploits in the puzzle domain, I wonder if this would have been something he would have enjoyed to create.

Sir Edmund Hillary has passed away at the ripe old age of 88. I had never heard the name until I browsed National Geographic’s webpage today; I’ve missed out on a very cool person. He and Tenzing Norgay were first to climb Mount Everest on May 29, 1953. Upon completing this deed he returned to the base camp and exclaimed “We knocked the bastard off.”

That’s just so cool.

And here’s something he wrote about the pair’s final steps to the top:

“Another few weary steps and there was nothing above us but the sky. There was no false cornice, no final pinnacle. We were standing together on the summit. There was enough space for about six people. We had conquered Everest.

But my dominant reactions were relief and surprise. Relief because the long grind was over and the unattainable had been attained. And surprise, because it had happened to me, old Ed Hillary, the beekeeper, once the star pupil of the Tuakau District School, but no great shakes at Auckland Grammar [high school] and a no-hoper at university, first to the top of Everest.

I just didn’t believe it.”

I’m getting chills all over from reading that. A part of me has always wanted to do Adventurous Things(TM). As a young kiddo I even dreamed of having business cards with the title “Hacker / Adventurer.” A few days ago I realized that it’s about time that I get business cards for my little KarjaSoft venture…and that I could finally have that desired title!

But then it struck me that I haven’t done as many adventurous things as I’d planned in younger years.

Sure, I’ve done a fair bit. Spent time in Germany as a 12-year-old, living with a friend of the family away from home.  Hitch-hiked around Sweden at 15, where I received strange invitations from creepy old men. Travelled all around the US for two months, where I ended up at various hostels and parties and weird situations. Got lost in the Cyprus mountains and had to be rescued by the police. All very fun and all, but it’s not adventuring! Adventuring means wearing a cool hat and a whip, and visiting old ruins! Or climbing mountains! Or going out in the rain forest with a machete and rope (you always need rope), looking for some doctor or another!

I still might choose the title “Adventurer” when I print my business cards, but if so I’m going to have to earn the title in the coming years. I’m adding “become an adventurer” to my todo list!

Does anyone remember the Gizmondo; a handheld system that was launched in 2005, and claimed to be the best thing since sliced bread and Jesus combined. (Sliced Jesus?) Gizmondo wasn’t exactly what you would call a hit, and if I were thus inclined this is where I would make a pun about the word “hit.” See, Gizmondo was brought to life by Carl Freer and Stefan Eriksson, and the latter one’s claim to fame comes from totalling an Enzo.

You were too pretty to die so young!

Anyway, to make a short story shorter, Gizmondo died and no one cared (except for all the investors who lost millions). Read more about it all here. But now things are changing; it’s time to care again.

The Gizmondo actually wasn’t that much of a joke, hardware-wise. It had a decent 400 MHz ARM CPU, 320×240 resolution, NVIDIA 128-bit GoForce (not a misspelling) 3D 4500 GPU…and some cool things like a GPS and GPRS connectivity. Essentially, the device was good enough to play some games, and was tailor-suited for connectivity applications. (Car GPS, check. SMS services, check. Social gaming possibilities, check. Etc etc.) Apparently, Carl Freer also thought that the Gizmondo was a pretty nifty piece of hardware, ’cause he’s bringing back the Gizmondo. (Warning, Swedish article.)

The plan is to release the old version of the Gizmondo in May 2008, and a new improved one in time for Christmas 2008. With my non-existing psychic powers I foresee that the second coming of the Gizmondo will end in tears, and it’s doubtful that we’ll even see the May launch. A console launch needs funding, and Freer is not likely to get much of that after what happened the last time. So, he’s trying to make the Gizmondo cheap(ly) and work with Open Source to cut down on costs. In addition, he’s producing the hardware on credit – a Chinese company in Shenzhen is offering to produce the Gizmondo in exchange for exclusive rights on sales in China. If Freer manages to pull this off I’ll be in awe; it just seems too improbable that anything good will come of all these schemes!

However, it’s hard to deny that if he manages to get the console out to the public, and if there’s funding for a PR campaign, and if the claimed 35 available game titles really are available at launch, things might look brighter. The name Gizmondo may be a joke right now, but it’s hard to laugh at the connectivity possibilities the device has; there’s a slight chance that it might find a niche for itself after all.

If nothing else, it might become another homebrew favourite like the GP2X. It might not be what Carl Freer wants, but he should be thankful even if it just comes to that.